Every couple struggles, this is part of the process of two people living life together. The work of marriage is compromise and connection. We need someone that is emotionally accessible and responsive to us, but we can become disconnected and problems set in. Sometimes we need help from an outside source.
Below are some signs that can help you evaluate your marriage. Before you read them I want to emphasize there is always hope. I am confident that any marriage can be repaired. It may take sacrifice and work but your marriage can be saved. Don’t lose hope, find help and walk through the journey of change, it is worth it.
So how can you tell when you need help? Here are some signs a relationship is struggling and may need help:
Children are a blessing that represent the laughter and intimacy of your relationship, they are a true gift from God. Ask any couple that has prayed or struggled to have children and they will confirm that every child is a miracle. The challenge of every couple is to still make their marriage a priority. Your children’s greatest need is to have a safe loving home. So often couples become so child focused that they forget each other. It is vital that you love each other well, especially in front of the children. You are modeling marriage to them, and you are creating their family of origin that will guide them and their future children. I know that sounds like a lot of pressure, but be intentional about your kids and your marriage. Research points out that martial satisfaction and enjoyment slip when kids come. If couples work at staying connected the enjoyment can return as the kids become more independent. Here are a some thing you can do to keep connection strong.
Children are a blessing
and a gift from the Lord – Psalms 127:3
We understand the need to love our spouse, but you need to know how to fight for them. Not fight with them but for them. Learn to fight for their heart, because it is so easy to loose your heart. We become discouraged and worn out by the busyness and stress of life, marriage and kids. Here are a couple simple ideas to help you fight for your partners heart and your life together.
The woman in your life wants to be wanted and enjoyed, not just for her body but for her heart. She wants to feel connected to her husband through shared experiences and interests. Look for ways to serve, connect and lead. Here are some things to help you love her more.
Ladies you will never develop a closer relationship to your man by talking to him like one of your girlfriends. He has needs that may be different then yours. Men really do want a closer more connected relationship. Love is not about better communication it is about connection. Here are 5 things that can help him to move closer and feel connected.
We all long to find comfort, trust, and friendship in marriage. This is the work of marriage staying connected cultivating trust and friendship. Here are three characteristics that you need to stay connected.
- Accessible – You are emotionally open and Accessible when you are open and honest, willing to listen, willing to be a friend, willing to show your true self. Each partner must be willing to listen, really listen and if asked, give advice.
- Responsive – You are tuned in and Responsive to each other when you or your spouse are anxious or unsure you can lean on each other. You feel so connected that you are able to come back to each other after arguments or stress.
- Engaged – Couples are deeply Engaged with each other when they feel like they can confide in their partner and feel close to them even when they are apart. You know that your partner cares about your joys, hurts, and fears and you feel close and safe with them.
Every couple needs to grow in these areas. Relationships deal with struggles and stages in marriage but need to work at staying connected. If you want to learn more you can take a questionnaire by subscribing to our newsletter that will show how you are doing with Accessibility, Responsiveness and Engagement.
Subscribe to our newsletter and download the Accessibility, Responsiveness and Engagement Questionnaire. This can be a helpful tool to show how connected you are and feel as a couple
This information comes from marriage expert Dr. Sue Johnson, in her book Hold Me Tight. Sue Johnson is the creator of the effective Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT).
Most couples struggle to stay connected. It is usually not a big life event but a slow drift that pull couples apart. Two things seem to create the drift.
- Life Stage – This is Good things like jobs, kids, church or community involvement can pull a couple away from each other. Many times it is just busyness.
- Life Struggles – This is things like health problems, addictions and couple conflict.
If the devil can’t make you bad he will make you busy – Dr. Mike Chapman
You have to make your relationship the priority. Sometimes the priority is the struggle of scheduling, but many times it is just taking the time to focus on each other in a positive relaxed environment. Here are a couple of things that can keep you moving toward each other instead of drifting away.
Men have a hard time discussing and showing emotions. The research shows that men are just as emotional as women they just struggle showing it. Emotional communication tends to produce more physiological arousal in men—they experience it more stressfully. Men have to work harder to stay calm during conflict. One of the solutions is guys need to focus on how important their marriage is. Men need to know the work of dealing with their own overwhelming emotions is worth it to themselves and their family.
Guys the information in this post is to help you focus on the fact that you are loved and important to your family, but your family makes life rich for you. Men need to know they have what it takes, they need to feel honor and respect from their wives and family.
Men do much better married, here are some statistics that show prove it:
Every marriage has these three areas – Chemistry, Companionship and Commitment. Learn to intentionally strengthen them together.
- Chemistry – This is attraction, that indescribable pull to the other person that is different for every couple.
- Action Point – Kissing – You need to kiss more. Learn to kiss and touch in non-sexual ways daily. One German study found that men who kiss their wives every day live five years longer than the men who didn’t
- Companionship – This is simply friendship. Your partner should be your best friend.
- Action point – Establish a time each week to spend quality time together – then guard that time with your lives. 88% of happy couples have a weekly date night.
“It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up — painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.” C. S. Lewis
- Commitment – This should come from your faith and character. It is the the glue that keeps you together when chemistry and companionship seem weak. Commitment provides safety and the ability to strengthen and soothe one another during the stress and struggles life brings.
- Action Point – Forgiveness is the cornerstone of commitment. You have to be willing to forgive and hang on to that forgiveness as you rebuild trust.
Loving each other for a lifetime means continuing courtship and never taking it for granted.