We understand the need to love our spouse, but you need to know how to fight for them. Not fight with them but for them. Learn to fight for their heart, because it is so easy to loose your heart. We become discouraged and worn out by the busyness and stress of life, marriage and kids. Here are a couple simple ideas to help you fight for your partners heart and your life together.
Marriage is the sanctuary of the heart. You have been entrusted with the heart of another human being. Whatever else your life’s great mission will entail, loving and defending this heart next to you is part of your great quest – John Eldredge,
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it – Proverbs 4:23
- Develop Friends not “Yes Men” – You need to have people around you that support and encourage your relationship. they need to be people that will say the tough things and hold you accountable. It is not love or friendship to ignore your friend or spouse’s sin, brokenness, or immaturity
- Put Each Other First – I know your kids and family have needs but you must put each other first. Marital satisfaction always goes down when kids come so you have to work harder to spend time together. Make sure your behavior demonstrates, “I want those that know me the best to love me the most, not those who know me the lease.”
- Take The Time To Know Your Spouse’s Story – You need to know what ticks them off and what makes them tick. You need to know the story of their hurts and wounds. They need to know you are the one that will fight for the redemption of their heart. You do this by listening, believing and telling them who they really are….. a loved and enjoyed spouse and child of God. They need to know you believe in them, not just help them see the other side or play “devils advocate”
- Remember what’s important. You have three things to fight for: yourself, your spouse, and the marriage. You have to take good care of all three. So if you’ve been arguing about whose fault it is that the house is so messy, rather than making all the effort to defend yourself remember the key question: What’s best for the marriage? I am not saying be a door mat, I am saying ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or do I want a relationship?” Fight for the relationship not yourself
- Listen Without Judging – Sometimes they just need you to listen without instruction. So often we listen with the intent of instructing or correcting. When we are hurting we need a compassionate ear. Be the soft place to land for your spouse when they are hurting, confused or just worn out.
- Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger – James 1:19
- Shut up and touch – Sometimes there’s a point where discussing the matter doesn’t help. Couples need to just hold each other when nothing else seems to be working. Reconnecting through touch is very important.
Here are 2 posts that can help you understand more