“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”― Peggy O’Mara
This quote got me thinking. What does our children’s inner voice sound like? What does my inner voice sound like? My first reaction was to feel discouraged and beat myself up for all the things I had said and done in a negative, selfish or reactive way. Good indication what my inner voice sounds like. After I came back down from that negative reaction, trying to not feel defeated and inadequate, I tried to come up with some ways to be proactive. Below are just a few ideas.
- What can I do to change my children’s inner voice?
- Increase my awareness. So much of what we do is reactive parenting. Try to pause and become more aware of how you speak and interact.
- Give them time. This is how your child spells love…..TIME. Quality time is important but the quantity is the key. Give the attention, affection and approval with your time.
- Look for ways to say Yes. At times it feels like the only thing you and your children say is “NO”. Look for small ways to say “yes”. They need to hear and feel your pleasure and permission.
- Read to them. Make this a fun nurturing time. If you are stressed and they are fidgety, then wait. Wait minutes, not hours and days. Give yourself and them time to calm down, don’t give up and walk away. Make sure this is consistently important and special.
- Pay attention to how you greet them. It is amazing what affect a positive greeting can have on someones else’s self esteem. How you part can also effect the self talk of the people you love. Be positive and loving. Look for ways to smile and touch them to convey affection.
- Model the behavior you want. Model the outward behavior of being more positive in your words and actions. Also take responsibility for your own negative self talk.
- How Do I change my inner voice?
- This is vital – you give what you have. If you want to change how you react. Understand and change your inner voice first, then learn to speak in a more positive way to your children. If the voice in your head is always negative….that is what you are unconsciously giving. You don’t wake up in the morning deciding to be negative. You just wake up in the morning and give what you have. Change yourself then changing what you give will happen naturally.
- One of my first blog posts was “We all do it… Self Talk” The post explains self-talk and how to change it.
- Pay Attention to the Big 4. The Big 4 are Sleep, Exercise, Pleasure and Nutrition. Their is a wealth of information and research about the positive effects of managing and controlling these areas. You will be able to control your actions and emotions better by managing these areas.
- What is your reaction to the quote? What ways do you try to be positive with yourself and your kids?