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When Should You Get Help

Their is Hope

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Every couple struggles, this is part of the process of two people living life together.  The work of marriage is compromise and connection.  We need someone that is emotionally accessible and responsive to us, but we can become disconnected and problems set in. Sometimes we need help from an outside source.

Below are some signs that can help you evaluate your marriage.  Before you read them I want to emphasize there is always hope.  I am confident that any marriage can be repaired.  It may take sacrifice and work but your marriage can be saved.  Don’t lose hope, find help and walk through the journey of change, it is worth it.

So how can you tell when you need help? Here are some signs a relationship is struggling and may need help:

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Seeking God

He Finds You

The mystery of seeking God is that HE is the One who finds you

The mystery of seeking God is that HE is the One who finds you.  All through my childhood I heard “you need to have a relationship with God.”  This was usually presented as time spent reading the Bible, going to church and joining a small group. I think their is truth in that idea but many times these things can feel empty.  They can become a way of working for grace, like you are trying to find the right combinations that will open God up to you. I am talking about attitude not the action.  The actions are simply the means to help us be with Jesus to become like him. As Jesus abided in the Father’s love so we abide in him and then he and the Father abide in us! (John 15:9-10). I think the way God made us is that we have a desire, a need that only He can fill.  I think that desire is a real relationship with God.

Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee – Augustine of Hippo, Confessions

Thou hast made us for thyself O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee – Augustine of Hippo
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Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort is an action. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone.― Dallas Willard, The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus’s Essential Teachings on Discipleship

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Children Are A Blessing

The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Kids Is To Love Each Other Well

Love

Children are a blessing that represent the laughter and intimacy of your relationship, they are a true gift from God.  Ask any couple that has prayed or struggled to have children and they will confirm that every child is a miracle. The challenge of every couple is to still make their marriage a priority.  Your children’s greatest need is to have a safe loving home.  So often couples become so child focused that they forget each other.  It is vital that you love each other well, especially in front of the children. You are modeling marriage to them, and you are creating their family of origin that will guide them and their future children. I know that sounds like a lot of pressure, but be intentional about your kids and your marriage.  Research points out that martial satisfaction and enjoyment slip when kids come.  If couples work at staying connected the enjoyment can return as the kids become more independent.  Here are a some thing you can do to keep connection strong.

 Children are a blessing
    and a gift from the Lord – Psalms 127:3

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord – Psalms 127:3
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Find Balance

Your Words and Behavior Should Match

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Love is behavioral, real love the kind that lasts is more than just an emotion, it is an action. Yes it should include the chemistry of attraction and feelings but, if it is to last it must have actions of kindness, compassion and service.  If you talk about how much you love something or someone and your behavior doesn’t match that is a flag that needs to be noticed.  The problem is something is out of balance.  Here a couple possibility:

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Fight For Each Other

Fight For And Protect Their Heart

Marriage

We understand the need to love our spouse, but you need to know how to fight for them.  Not fight with them but for them.  Learn to fight for their heart, because it is so easy to loose your heart.  We become discouraged and worn out by the busyness and stress of life, marriage and kids.  Here are a couple simple ideas to help you fight for your partners heart and your life together.

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5 Ways to Love Your Husband

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much howcompatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.Leo Tolstoy

Ladies you will never develop a closer relationship to your man by talking to him like one of your girlfriends. He has needs that may be different then yours. Men really do want a closer more connected relationship.  Love is not about better communication it is about connection.  Here are 5 things that can help him to move closer and feel connected.

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Celebrate

Look For An Excuse To Celebrate Your Love

 

Celebrate Your Love

“You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Find Every and any excuse to celebrate the person you love.  Stop the slow drift by finding ways to create enjoyment, excitement and connection.  It is so easy to become stale in your relationship.  Be intentional this weekend and create memories.  Your love and future together is a sacred gift.  Learn to celebrate it regularly.

Your love and future together is a sacred gift. Learn to celebrate it regularly.
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Freedom

We All Long For It

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Hurting people want freedom.  They want… No need to feel that freedom will come for their broken heart.  The reaction to pain and a broken heart is to cover and hide.  We cover our hurt with anger, addictions and bitterness, or hide from the very relationships that could give life, healing and safety. Freedom is revealed in the recognition that we have a choice.  You have a choice to move toward freedom not away.  Hurting people are afraid to risk again.  Freedom is the understanding that you have a choice.  You are never without a choice.

If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. Psalms 34:18 MSG

I have found growth away from pain happens when you can see outside of yourself. Freedom begins to happen when you are willing to risk again.  Willing to love and be loved.  It is the choice to love others and yourself while walking in relationship with them.

Freedom begins to happen when you are willing to risk again. Willing to love and be loved.
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Happily Married

Learn To Love Your Marriage

If you truly love something

If You take care of your marriage you get benefits.  People who are happily married have:

  • better health,
  • less disease,
  • improved emotional stability,
  • happier children who learn better and out perform children of divorce across the board,
  • feel better about themselves,
  • are happier,
  • earn more money
  • and live longer!

I’ve never met a couple yet that wanted their relationship to fail, but so many do.  You can learn to nurture you marriage so it will grow.  Here are some ideas to help you grow: