Life for most men boys is an exasperating search for the absent father who has not yet offered protection, provision, nurturing, modeling, or, especially, acceptance. Many men they have given up the search and they act out the wound on who they love the most. Every man is longing for attention, affection and approval from a loving safe father.  All the men that you see struggling with marriage, jobs, kids and anger are suffering from Father Hunger.

They go through their adolescent rituals day after day for a lifetime, waiting for a father to validate them and treat them as good enough to be considered a man.

They call attention to their pain, getting into trouble, getting hurt, doing things that are bad for them, as if they are calling for a father to come take them in hand and straighten them out or at least tell them how a grown man would handle the pain.

They compete with other boys who don’t get close enough to let them see their shame over not feeling like men, over not having been anointed, and so they don’t know that the other boys feel the same way.

In a scant 200 years–in some families in a scant two generations–we’ve gone from a toxic overdose of fathering to a fatal deficiency. It’s not that we have too much mother but too little father.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10 

Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort is an action. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone.― Dallas Willard, The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus’s Essential Teachings on Discipleship

“Ask this question: how have you learned the Father? Search your heart until you know that you know that you know how you have learned Him.  Then, lay down all who you have learned him to be and ask the Him to come to you as His son, and reveal Himself as He truly is.

Father, I have learned you wrong. It would have been better to not know you than to have learned you wrong. I want to relearn you. Who are you? What is your heart? What is your way? What is your way with me? What is the love language you have between us? Father, daddy, this is all frontier.  But I choose this day to give more of me to more of you. I choose to stay and stay and stay again until I have received your heart for your wandering son.” – Morgan Snyder

You are a priceless treasure.

“God feeds the birds and you are far more valuable to Him than any birds!” Luke 12:24 NLT

God thinks you matter, Jesus thought this was so important that he told three parables to illustrate how important you are. In Luke 15 he tells the stories of — the lost son, the lost coin, and the lost sheep.  It’s the same emphasis in each story.  Jesus says, “You matter!”

You matter to God.  You are important.  You are valuable.  God says you are valuable because he loves you and he has accepted you in Christ.

Happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings…It’s something we make inside ourselves…. with God.  The problem is that I am surprised at where my thoughts go to.  Not toward happiness.  I worry and stress with my thoughts and argue with people in my head.  Here are some ways to help you pay attention to happiness:

1. Learn to create positive affirmations – Talk to yourself in a positive nurturing way.  Don’t demean or belittle yourself.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8
2. Count your joys and blessings – Focus on what you do have rather then what you don’t have.  Appreciate and enjoy what you already have. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” – Isaiah 26:3 
3. Allow yourself to be playful and childlike – Learn to let go and play.  “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:2-4
4. Focus on changing yourself instead of changing the world around you – Wake up with a resolve to stay happy during the day. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” – Romans 12:2
5. Your body is God’s temple, honor it – Give yourself proper rest, nutrition and pleasure.  “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts.” ― Corrie ten Boom

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If you spend any time with me you will eventually hear me talk about the metaphors that God uses in scripture to explain our relationship with Him.  I am fascinated with them.  They are a beautiful picture of God’s love, care, provision and affection for us. I have been pondering the idea that God really does want and enjoy us for several years.  Take some time to look over the metaphors that I have listed below.  Ponder them, ask God questions.  If you allow them to take root they will bring a confidence as you deal with life.  The lie that most of us struggle with is that we are alone.  It is all up to us, we have no one to help us or be with us along the journey.  The metaphors of scripture will help combat or erase that lie.  Imagine how much different your life would be if you were absolutely confident that God was with you.

Here are some of the metaphors that scripture uses to describe your relationship with God.  This is a good start and guide to help you understand your relationship with God.

• We are the clay, and He is the Potter – Jeremiah 18:1-6; Isaiah 64:8.  This is a good picture of God’s care for us and that He has a purpose and a plan for us.  The Potter creates with a purpose and plan.  He has no random creations, you have all have been made with a plan and purpose to be enjoyed by your creator.
• We are the vine, He is the Branch – John 15:1-11.  Everything we have follows to us through God’s strength and provision for our lives.  We find our being, and sustenance by remaining, continuing, persisting, lasting and enduring in the vine.
• We are the sheep, He is the Shepherd – John 10:1-18. We know and respond to His voice.  He cares, protects and provides for us.  Spend some time with a farmer.  Watch how well they know their animals, and how well the animals know and depend on the farmer.  Most of us are so removed from a farm that we have lost the beauty of this metaphor.  This is a rich picture of God’s protection, attentiveness and safekeeping of us.
• We are His children – Romans 8:17; Galatians 4:6. This is the first picture of a two way relationship.  God cares for us but we learn to love Him, not just for what does but for who He is. He knows…….
  • God knows all of our thoughts, habits and actions. “O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.” – Psalm 139:1-3
  • God knows our future. He knows us personally and plans for us. He provides the best for us, if we follow Him. “‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,’ says the Lord, ‘thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.’” – Jeremiah 29:11
  • God knew us before we were created, before we were even born! “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you;” – Jeremiah 1:5
  • God knows all our features and characteristics, He values us and cares for us greatly and more than we can imagine. “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” – Luke 12:7
  • God knows our name. “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1
  • He made us and knows every detail of our lives! “See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;” Isaiah 49:16

• We are His friend – John 15:15. Friends share life, stories and joy together. God wants to walk with you through the joys and struggles and share your day to day life.  He wants to be the person that you talk about your day with. He invites us to stroll with Him in the cool of the day, talk, fellowship and enjoy His company as He enjoys ours.
• We are the bride, and He is the Bridegroom – John 3:29.  This relationship is about choice.  We must choose to love Him, again not for what does but for who He is.  This is a rich metaphor about God’s pursuit and desire for us.

“The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the garden culminates in the wedding feast of the lamb.” John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance 

The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the garden culminates in the wedding feast of the lamb.

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I love Easter and the joy of spring.  Watching the world come alive with daffodils, tulips, beautiful dogwood trees and green grass.  These all bring the hope and joy that newness can bring.  My hope and prayer is that you will enjoy and experience the wonder of new beginnings this Easter season.

Everyone has gone through something. They have a story. When you look at a person remember that they have gone through something that has changed them.  We are all in process.  Give each other patience, kindness and love.

There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears – Philippians 1:6

No Matter where you are in your story, know 2 things

• God is with you – You are not alone.  Let that sink in.  Live in that awareness every day.
• He will complete what He has started – God is involved in your life.  He has started something that He will complete.  It is working… Trust Him

Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you – Deuteronomy 31:6

God is with you – You are not alone. Let that sink in. Live in that awareness every day

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In the post Seeking God I talked about trying to understand what a relationship with God looked like.  The search of trying to live in a vibrant, real and intimate relationship with God lead me to discover the Spiritual Disciplines.  They have become for me a way that makes my heart available to experience God.  So often my desire was to get something from God not experience a relationship with Him.  My love for Him was marked by getting not giving.  

We need experiences that allow us to embrace a spiritual life in Christ. Intimacy is shared experience, the spiritual disciplines give you intimate experiences with God.  Here are some insights and applications From The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard. The source of most of this post comes from Soulshepherding.

To excel in anything in life discipline is required. This is true for athletes, musicians, electricians, engineers, and disciples of Jesus. Of course, training has difficult aspects, but the hard work pays off to facilitate ease and joy of living. Hence the title of Richard Foster’s classic book for disciples of Jesus, The Celebration of Discipline. 

This Spiritual Disciplines List features some of the main disciplines for life in Christ with concise definitions for each. We call these “spiritual disciplines,” but the activities are physical, not spiritual. They are bodily activities that can engage and effect our whole person – Romans 12:1-2. So a more accurate term for the exercises in this list is “disciplines for a spiritual life in Christ.”

A discipline is something we can do that enables us to do what we haven’t yet been able to do by our own direct effort. “Don’t try — train!” is a way to paraphrase 1 Timothy 4:7. Our training is connecting us with a power much greater than our own — the Spirit of God that raised Jesus Christ from the dead.

So if you can’t break the power of an addiction to alcohol or pornography one step to get free (in addition to obvious measures like 12 Step Recovery and counseling) might be to fast from food. With practice you can experience the reality that fasting is feasting: even though you’re not eating you’re sustained in the joy and peace of God by meditating on Scripture and praying. If you can get past headaches and grumpiness when fasting and learn to be sweet and strong without getting the food you need then you can apply this to resisting your compulsive behavior.

Discipline works because we’re developing new and healthy habits.  We develop spiritual and physical habits. We need bodily habits that engage our mind and heart with God. The spiritual life works the same way. We want to get into a position in our daily lives where we find ourselves meditating on Scripture, praying, or blessing the one who curses us without even having intended to do so. Using an intelligently designed course of disciplines over time will do that.

Grow in Grace with Jesus

Jesus himself practiced this Spiritual Disciplines List. Studying his rhythm of life in the Gospels is one of the most important things we can do. Jesus grew in grace Luke 2:40-52 and Peter urges us that we must do the same 2 Peter 3:18. Disciplines don’t set aside our need for grace nor do they earn us anything.  The disciplines simply are means to help us be with Jesus to become like him. As Jesus abided in the Father’s love so we abide in him and then he and the Father abide in us – John 15:9-10.  More than anything else I have done they have increased my awareness that God is with me and I am not alone.

Their are two major categories of disciplines: abstinence (self-denial) and engagement (connecting relationally with God and others). Using categories from both will help to create awareness and growth.  Abstinence makes space for deeper engagement with God and others and engagement gives strength to endure the challenges of abstinence.

The Spiritual Disciplines List

Here are some main disciplines of abstinence and engagement that have been helpful to Christ-followers over the centuries.

Disciplines of Abstinence

These are ways of denying ourselves something we want or need in order to make space to focus on and connect with God.

Solitude: Refraining from interacting with other people in order to be alone with God and be found by him. (Solitude is completed by silence.)

Silence: Not speaking in a quiet place in order to quiet our minds and whole self and attend to God’s presence. Also, not speaking so that we can listen to others and bless them.

Fasting: Going without food (or something else) for a period of intense prayer — the fast may be complete or partial.

Sabbath: Doing no work to rest in God’s person and provision; praying and playing with God and others. (God designed this for one day a week. We can practice it for shorter periods too.)

Secrecy: Not making our good deeds or qualities known to let God or others receive attention and to find our sufficiency in God alone.

Submission: Not asserting ourselves in order to come under the authority, wisdom, and power of Jesus Christ as our Lord, King, and Master. (If you think of this as submitting to a person as unto Christ then it’s a discipline of engagement.)

Disciplines of Engagement

These are ways of connecting with God and other people, conversing honestly with them in order to love and be loved.

Bible Reading: Trusting the Holy Spirit-inspired words of Scripture as our guide, wisdom, and strength for life.

Worship: Praising God’s greatness, goodness, and beauty in words, music, ritual, or silence.

Prayer: Conversing with God about what we’re experiencing and doing together. (As we see in the Lord’s Prayer the main thing we do in prayer is to make requests of our Father for one another.)

Soul Friendship: Engaging fellow disciples of Jesus in prayerful conversation or other spiritual practices.

Personal Reflection: Paying attention to our inner self in order to grow in love for God, others, and self.

Service: Humbly serving God by overflowing with his love and compassion to others, especially those in need.

]]> https://www.connectedtogether.org/?feed=rss2&p=1967 0 1967 https://www.connectedtogether.org/?p=2066 https://www.connectedtogether.org/?p=2066#respond Wed, 09 Mar 2016 13:01:39 +0000 connectedtogetherministries@gmail.com http://www.connectedtogether.org/?p=2066

We have all experienced discouragement and disappointment.  The struggles and pain we experience create feelings of loss.  We lose confidence and enthusiasm and we become disheartened.  Here are some causes and cures guided by scripture to help you overcome discouragement and disappointment.

Here are some things that can cause discouragement and disappointment.

• FATIGUE

Remember you are body, soul and spirit.  When you become physically or emotionally exhausted, discouragement can set in. When you are tired physically and emotionally your defenses are lowered and things can seem more overwhelming than they really are. This often occurs when you are halfway through a major project or problem and you get tired.

 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

• FRUSTRATION

Frustration sets in when we feel like we can’t change or achieve what we want.  When unfinished tasks or problems pile up, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. And when small or the unexpected things interrupt you and prevent you from accomplishing what you really need to do, your frustration can easily produce discouragement.

• FAILURE

Sometimes, even with the best laid plans, everything falls apart — the project collapses — the deal falls through — no one shows up to the event. How do you react? Do you give in to self-pity? Do you blame others? As one man said, “Just when I think I can make ends meet — somebody moves the ends! That’s discouraging!

• FEAR

Fear is part of most discouragement. The fear of criticism (What will they think?); the fear of responsibility (What if I can’t handle this?); and the fear of failure (What if I blow it?) can cause a major onset of the blues.

“We can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’”
—Hebrews 13:6

Here are fours things you can do to alleviate discouragement and disappointment.

Make the goal to know God and yourself more. When knowing God becomes more important to you, you will stop thinking about discouragements and persecutions; you will stop worrying altogether

When knowing God is more important, you will stop thinking about discouragements, you will stop worrying altogether

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1. REST – If you need a break — take one! You’ll be more effective when you return to work. If you’re burning the candle at both ends, you’re not as bright as you think!
   • “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” – Jeremiah 31:25 
   • “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” – Isaiah 40:29 
2. REORGANIZE – Discouragement doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing the wrong thing. It may just be that you are doing the right thing in the wrong way. Try a new approach. Shake things up a little.
   • “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:6
3. REMEMBER GOD WILL HELP YOU – God will give you new energy, guidance and hope.  Just ask Him.
   • “but those who hope in the Lord
         will renew their strength.
     They will soar on wings like eagles;
         they will run and not grow weary,
         they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:31
4. RESIST – I know it does not feel like it but, discouragement is a choice, you must learn to Fight Back!.  Do what’s right in spite of your feelings. No feeling lasts forever.  Do the right behaviors and the feelings will follow.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak – Isaiah 40:29

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“I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse” – Philippians 4:8. It is important to recognize that you get to choose what you dwell on or think about. The best way I know to direct your thoughts is to focus on things that give life.  I have tried to use the idea of a playlist. Most of us have a playlist. A list of songs that describe your interests and moods that make you come alive. I have several playlists that help me to find clarity and direction.  Several of the playlists are songs but many are scripture.  Here are three songs that I listen to daily:

• Good Good Father – Chris Tomlin
• It is Well – Kristene DiMarco
• I am Redeemed – Big Daddy Weave

Your word is a lamp to my feet
    and a light to my path – Psalms 119:105

The playlist that I go to the most is one that is scripture. Most of my scripture playlists are in my head, not in a digital file. I think we must create things that can measure our thoughts and fears against truth. Creating a biblical playlist or list of scriptures will develop that yardstick.  Here are some scriptures I meditate on regularly to bring myself back to calm when I get anxious, stressed or fearful.

• Lamentations 3:22-24

  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
      his mercies never come to an end;
  they are new every morning;
      great is your faithfulness.
  “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
      “therefore I will hope in him.”

• Zephaniah 3:17

  The Lord your God is with you,
      the Mighty Warrior who saves.
  He will take great delight in you;
      in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
      but will rejoice over you with singing.

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The most frequent command or teaching in scripture was not to be holy, or to love one another but to not worry, to have no fear or to not be anxious.  In fact, there are about 365 mentions of this given by Jesus in the New Testament.  We might think that Jesus is only trying to help us to alleviate our anxieties but He is actually commanding us not to worry.  We constantly have to look to the Lord, read His word and meditate on His promised comforts in the midst of the chaos of life.  We need to be reminded regularly that God is with us and He really is in control.  Here are some scripture to mediate on that can remind you of the truth that He is an ever present help, you don’t need to be anxious and afraid – Psalms 46:1-2

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” – Matthew 6:34 ESV

Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad – Proverbs 12:25 ESV

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He Will Give You What You Need…. Himself – “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” – 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

He is Always With You – “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you” – Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” – Isaiah 41:10 ESV

He Will Guard Your Heart and Mind – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

He Really Does Care About You – “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you” – 1 Peter 5:7 ESV. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these” – Matthew 6:25-34 ESV

He Is Your Counselor – “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you” – Psalm 55:22-23 ESV.  “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul” – Psalm 94:19 ESV