Go to Pathway Bookstore to purchase the book

“We often try to hid our stories because sharing them can be risky. In this book, Sheneka and Mark have chosen to take the risk.”—Mike Chapman

Interweaving their life stories with Bible truths and sound mental-health principles, the writers offer a potent resource to help individuals overcome rejection, shame, and anger and to embrace a new identity.

Go to Pathway Bookstore to purchase the book

The last several months have been confusing and stressful.  Like most of us, I tried my best to avoid thinking about it. I didn’t walk to talk about the stress, changes or decision that a busy life was creating.

In other words, I took the very enlightened approach of pretending that I was okay —one that’s about as effective as other common responses such as getting angry, pushing people away, blaming myself, or wallowing in the confusion and stress of a busy isolated life.

When life happens, we often relive the events over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination or negative self-talk; it’s like a cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn’t move us forward toward healing and growth.

When stress creeps in, good habits often creep out.  A good habit is to redirect your thoughts.  To get rid of a negative thought pattern you have to have another thought.  Every time you begin to ruminate with negative self-talk use these verses on thankfulness to change your focus.

Here are 20 Bible verses on being thankful:

1. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

2. Psalm 107:1 

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

3. Ephesians 5:20

Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

4. Colossians 3:15-17

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

5. James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

6. Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

7. 2 Corinthians 9:15

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!

8. Psalm 106:1 

Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

9. Psalm 105:1

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!

10. Colossians 3:15

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

12. Psalm 118:1-18

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever! Let Israel say, “His steadfast love endures forever.” Let the house of Aaron say, “His steadfast love endures forever.” Let those who fear the Lord say, “His steadfast love endures forever.” Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.

13. Psalm 20:4

May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!

14. Psalm 30:12

That my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

15. Colossians 3:17

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Our Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of it sorrows, but empties today of its strengths – Charles H. Spurgeon  

Our Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of it sorrows, but empties today of its strengths – Spurgeon

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Anxiety will makes your thoughts race.  An anxious brain is an active brain. Anxious racing thoughts can make you feel that there’s only space for anxiety and certainly no room for gratitude. Anxiety doesn’t mean that someone is cold, uncaring, or ungrateful. Many times the opposite is true.  People living with anxiety do have gratitude in their heart, but it feels like there’s no room for gratitude in racing thoughts.  What is amazing though is gratitude will make room for itself in an anxious heart.

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 MSG 

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens 1 Thes

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I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder G.K. Chesterton

Whatever your definition of success, we all want more. That desire for more can blind us to what we already have–and should be grateful for.  As you begin the month of November try to focus on thankfulness and gratitude.  Gratitude changes everything.

See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.  Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. – 1 Thessalonians 5:15-18

 A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24 – NKJV

“You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin – to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours – closer than you yourself keep it. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. Anyway: there it is. We know most of what Gandalf has told you. We know a good deal about the ring. We are horribly afraid–but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Do you have friends like this?  I know to quote Lord of the Rings is kind of nerdy but I love the idea of friendship that sticks closer than a brother.

We want to live safe. We avoid risk, but to live from a place of passion and desire we have to risk.  We have to move toward something.  It is love and desire that moves us. What we push away from, what we dislike, sometimes even hate, only moves or motivates us for a brief period of time. What we love is like gravity, constantly pulling us. It is our response to this constant pull, that changes us.

What we love is like gravity, constantly pulling us. It is our response to this constant pull, that changes us

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There are two approaches to how we live out passion and desire:

• Decide to pursue what you love and become what that pursuit makes of you.
  • “The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being” – Matthew 6:21
  • “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” – Psalms 37:4
• Determine what you wish to become, and pursue what will get you there, to what you love.
  • The Bible teaches us that the goal of the Christian life is Christlikeness, it says in 2 Corinthians 3:18 that “we are being transformed into [Christ’s] likeness” while Romans 8:29 states that God “predestined [all believers] to be conformed to the likeness of his Son.”  Christlkeness is God’s goal for all who trust in Christ, and that should be our goal also.”

  • “Grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort is an action. Grace, you know, does not just have to do with forgiveness of sins alone.” Dallas Willard, The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus’s Essential Teachings on Discipleship

Both of these have to lead you to something larger than yourself. If your passions and desires are only about you or your comfort, then they are too small..  You have to find something that requires risk and community.  Take some time, think it through, and pursue what you love. Anticipate what it will do to you, as it shapes and fashions you, and plan accordingly. Live the life you want, live the life you plan.

So many feel stuck and powerless because they won’t accept themselves. So many are so gifted and talented, but they won’t express themselves because they fear rejection. Because it attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, and attacks who we are and our purpose in life. This is why it is one of the most common tools the devil will use to destroy a person’s life.

“Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” … [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Self-rejection is the enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the Beloved

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Rejection hurts.  Here are some effects that rejection has on our emotions, thinking, and behavior.

1. We can relive feelings of rejection more than we can physical pain. Try recalling an experience in which you felt significant physical pain, you will find that memory alone won’t elicit physical pain. But try reliving a painful experience of shame or rejection, and you will be flooded with many of the same feelings you had at the time.  We can get stuck in a cycle where we can’t let the shame or rejection go.
2. Rejection and shame sabotage our “Need to Belong.” We all have a basic need to belong to a group or community. When we experience shame or rejection, this need becomes destabilized and the disconnection we feel adds to our emotional pain. Reconnecting with those who love us, or reaching out to friends that who value and accept us, has been found to soothe emotional pain after a rejection.
3. Rejection can increase anger and aggression. In 2001, the Surgeon General of the U.S. issued a report stating that rejection was a greater risk for adolescent violence than drugs, poverty, or gang membership. Countless studies have demonstrated that even mild rejection can lead people to take out their aggression on innocent bystanders. School shootings, violence against women, and fired workers going “postal” are other examples of the strong link between rejection and aggression.
4. Rejections can destroy our self-esteem. We often respond to relationship rejections by finding fault in ourselves,  kicking ourselves when we’re already down, and over focusing on our all our inadequacies, smacking our self-esteem into a pulp. Blaming ourselves and attacking our self-worth only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover.

Here are some things that you can do that will help you soothe and heal feelings of rejection.  Go to the post below to help you find resources that will soothe and heal feelings of rejection.

• You Matter
• You Belong
• You Can Control Yourself

“So many are in prison because they won’t accept themselves. So many are so gifted and talented, but they won’t express themselves because they fear rejection. They fear man. They fear what people will think. I want to love My people, but they hold Me at arms length and won’t let Me really love them because they have been hurt by others. They fear I will reject them because of their weaknesses—like people have—but I will never reject them. Tell them I love them. Ask them to stop trying so hard to be acceptable to Me and to realize I accept them where they are. Tell them I don’t want perfect performance from them. I want them to love Me and to let Me love them.” quote from Joyce Meyers

Happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings…It’s something we make inside ourselves…. with God.  The problem is that I am surprised at where my thoughts go to.  Not toward happiness.  I worry and stress with my thoughts and argue with people in my head.  Here are some ways to help you pay attention to happiness:

1. Learn to create positive affirmations – Talk to yourself in a positive nurturing way.  Don’t demean or belittle yourself.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8
2. Count your joys and blessings – Focus on what you do have rather then what you don’t have.  Appreciate and enjoy what you already have. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” – Isaiah 26:3 
3. Allow yourself to be playful and childlike – Learn to let go and play.  “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:2-4
4. Focus on changing yourself instead of changing the world around you – Wake up with a resolve to stay happy during the day. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” – Romans 12:2
5. Your body is God’s temple, honor it – Give yourself proper rest, nutrition and pleasure.  “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts.” ― Corrie ten Boom

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The best remedy I know for worry, anxiety and stress is the gift of serving others. The best cure for the tired soul is the risk of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great paradoxes of life is this: When you serve others you almost always benefit more than those you served.

One of the great paradoxes of life is: When you serve others you almost always benefit more than those you served

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The typical response to physical or emotional pain is to self protect.  When you are hurt physically self protection is wisdom.  Emotional pain is different.  When you have been hurt emotionally with shame and rejection you have to be willing to risk to find healing.  Risk by trying to love again not self protect. Reaching for and responding with love toward your spouse, children and friends will bring health and healing.  Physical or emotional withdrawal can work in the short run but can be toxic in the long run.  Learn to risk by loving those around you again.  You have a choice.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable – C.S. Lewis