Couples usually have slightly different variations of the same fight over and over again. They unconsciously repeat old patterns as a way to cling to the familiar while at the same time hoping that it will turn out differently this time. It may have to do with an attempt to heal old wounds, often from their arguments around these topics:

• families that you grew up in
• struggles with the kids
• how money is handled
• the quantity or quality of sex
• whether or not you are helping each other around the house

Once you start seeing and understanding the pattern, an opportunity for real healing and growth can occur in your relationship. I also often tell couples that creating a strong connection to your partner doesn’t happen in a dramatic crescendo like in the movies. Healthy couples have daily acts and small moments of letting one another into their internal worlds.