I am starting to ask myself am I serving others more than I serve my spouse? Who or what gets the best of me?  Would the people I work with see me as a servant hearted leader, and my wife and family see me as difficult and demanding?  My desire is to serve and love my wife. I want that to be actions not just words. What comes to your mind if you ask yourself these questions?

I pray and serve others every day.  Some would say I pray professionally.  Each day people come to me and ask me to pray and talk about their problems.  I pray out loud or silently for each person that comes into my office.  My desire is to serve them and meet them at their point of need.  To be aware, present and attentive in the hard, hurting, and ugly places of peoples lives with the heart of a servant.  In my head is the thought “I want those that know me the most to love me the most not those who know me the least”.  Your best love, service and care should be for your family, not just the leftovers.

People 100 years old were surveyed about marriage, family, and happiness.  Here are some statements the centenarians made about marriage:

“Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You’ll find what you need to furnish it–memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey.” –Ted Williams

Happy Couples learn the little ways their partner is asking for attention.  Dr John Gottman studied 120 newlyweds.  He discovered that the couples who stayed together after six years paid attention and responded to the small ways their partner asked for attention 86 percent of the time. This is compared to couples that responded only 33 percent of the time and later divorced.  We all want to know that someone is aware, and responds to the small needs.  We want to believe that someone values us and shows it by being attentive.  These are small things like knowing what we like to eat or a small hug, being aware of what we need when we are tired or stressed.  Look for the little things, they are an opportunity to connect.

For my wife and I, our worst arguments have always come out of times where we were the most disconnected and stressed. I have found that I hear her differently when we are connected. I want to hear her advice and feelings more after we share experiences together.  Being right is less important than enjoying our time together.  Arguments will go much better if you work at sharing experiences and staying connected.  Every couple argues, the key is to try and understand each other and stay connected.  Below are some ways that will help you to understand each other and stay connected.