Our biggest regrets in life are the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. I don’t like risk. I love a good challenge and pushing the edge but I avoid emotional risk and uncertainty…… I think most of us do. We are afraid to be hurt so we create a wall that we think holds back the risk of pain. The real problem is that all it holds back is the true joy that comes from emotional connection.
The focus of what we do is connection. Connection to God, yourself, marriage, children and the community around you. These connections bring life, meaning and enjoyment. Connection is the goal, shame is the roadblock to that goal.
I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. Dr. Brene Brown
The struggle with creating intimate connected relationships is because we don’t know how to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is about risking and being honest about our emotions and needs. To create a connected relationship you have to lean into vulnerability, because it is the glue that holds intimate relationships together.
Dr Brene Brown defines Vulnerability as basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Most of us are not taught how to deal with uncertainty or how to manage emotional risk. We spend our life trying to avoid vulnerability and risk. Our inability to lean into the difficulty of vulnerability limits the rich relational experiences that are full of uncertainty like Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity. Learn how to trust God as you lean into the uncertainty of vulnerability.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.