Everyone longs to be accepted for who they are. They want to be loved exactly as they are, not “I will love you if…. or I will love you when.” If you are constantly asking your partner to change (or if they are always asking you to change) they will feel unloved and criticized. Resentment begins to build and creates distance.
Your partner can change, but it has to come from their desire, not from you asking or pushing for it. The only changes people make are driven by what they want. People change because they want to enjoy something more or because they want to stop the pain of something. Your goal is to see that you can control yourself and your boundaries not them.
The only thing that you can change is yourself – You cannot change your partner
Learn to do 3 things well.
- Love the other just the way they are, not “I will love you if…. or I will love you when.”
- Develop the personal value that you want to grow change and be the best version of yourself. Change because it is your personal value. Change can’t be forced by your partner – it has to be your priority. You will either intentionally change and grow, or the pain of staying the same will create consequences.
- You have to understand that happiness is your own responsibility. You must own happiness yourself. Your partner can’t be the source of your happiness. Your happiness and joy comes from yourself and God….not your spouse.
Put your effort into changing you. Don’t ignore your spouse or leave them to become happy. Find happiness and joy where you are at. You will be amazed as you began to love yourself, your relationships with everyone will change.