Learn to be Attentive


Happy Couples learn the little ways their partner is asking for attention.  Dr John Gottman studied 120 newlyweds.  He discovered that the couples who stayed together after six years paid attention and responded to the small ways their partner asked for attention 86 percent of the time. This is compared to couples that responded only 33 percent of the time and later divorced.  We all want to know that someone is aware, and responds to the small needs.  We want to believe that someone values us and shows it by being attentive.  These are small things like knowing what we like to eat or a small hug, being aware of what we need when we are tired or stressed.  Look for the little things, they are an opportunity to connect.

Learn to be attentive.  It is surprising but it is usually the accumulation of the little things that tip a couple over.  It is the small touches, smiles or bringing the coffee or tea to them that tips them over into happiness.  Or it is the small frequent times of silences, frowns, or ignoring their call or texts that tip couples over into unhappiness.  None of these are dramatic but add them together and they create anxiety and doubt about whether they really do want you. This doubt and anxiety will slowly erode the sense of security and connection.  Look for the little things you can do regularly to show attention and affection in a positive way.  You will be amazed at how the small thing can create security and trust to weather the big storms.  The small things help you to believe they really are for you and not against you.

Philippians 2:4 – do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Galatians 6:2 – Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

Romans 12:10 – Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *