In the book – Highly Happy Marriages, by Shaunti Feldhahn it states that,

“Highly happy couples tend to have God at the center of their marriage and focus on Him, rather than on their marriage or spouse for fulfillment and happiness”

The author makes this claim based upon research with couples.  The research looks at the attributes of happy couples. What can we learn from them?  Can other couples do them also?  Happy marriages bring faith into the middle of their relationship and have common goals, interest and guidance from their faith.

Bringing faith, God and a community of faith into your marriage will bring happiness.  Scripture and research confirm that.  Here are some of the things that happy couples do to bring faith into their marriage:

I have no rhythm.  I can’t clap to music, dance to music, or tap my foot to music…. oh I guess I could but it wouldn’t look any thing like rhythm.  My father and mother have tried to teach me.  My wife and daughter have tried to teach me.  The list could go on but all have left, laughing or with at least a puzzled look on their face. I know when something is in rhythm and sounds good, but I can’t replicate it.

Healthy relationships have a balance or rhythm.  Just like music has different style and rhythm, here are three things that have to be be present in marriage:

“I am no longer happy in my marriage” is a statement I hear often.    I think God wants us to be happy in marriage but I don’t think that is His goal.  We get lost in the goals of conflict free living and perfect happiness.  When marriage doesn’t provide what we think we deserve, we become convinced it is our spouses fault.  We begin to believe that happiness will be found when I get out of the marriage and find something that will meet my needs and goals. Many times when you look at your goals and need, they are things that only God can meet.  You are asking your marriage to do something it was not designed to do.  

What did God design marriage for: 

You did not marry the wrong person.  God will use your bond, work and love to do great things.

Every couple argues.  That’s not a surprise, but what is a surprise is that strong and struggling couples have the same arguments.  The only difference is how the arguments  begin  and how they repair.  If the argument begins in a harsh, attacking or accusing way, you will likely not get to solutions. The argument stays stuck with the first defensive reaction and never goes forward.  Repair after an argument looks a lot like Romans 8.  We may disagree but I am not trying to condemn you (Romans 8:1).  I won’t allow any argument or disagreement to  separate us (Romans 8:35-39).

Every couple throughout the life of their marriage will argue about the six topics below:

For years my wife and I have played with the question, if we could sit down and spend an afternoon and talk to ourselves as the young couple that got married at age twenty-one, “What would we say to them?”  What advice would we give ourselves?

After thirty-two years of marriage and counseling couples for twenty years, one thing I am confident of….a man’s life is richer when he has a wife.  I know that may sound odd, but the evidence and research indicate that the women in our lives bring us joy, happiness, health and simply put a good life.  Women – our lives would be much less without you.

I recently posted about some of the tips I would have given to the young  husband.  Here is a list for wives.

I have pondered what advice would I give if I could go back and talk with myself as a young husband. What would I tell him? That got me writing, here are some quick thoughts. I don’t think this is comprehensive, but a good list to start with. Ladies here is a good list for wives.

Connected Together Marriage Conference is designed with these things in mind.  I don’t want to just give you another thing to do.  I think we have created an experience that will give you helpful and practical information.  I don’t want to give you just another meeting, but I do want to help you to develop skills that will impact your marriage.

Connected Together Marriage Conference

Register for the Connected Together Marriage Conference!

When people say marriage is work…what does that mean?  Is it just all drudgery, and mundane.  I don’t think so.  The work of marriage is compromise and connection.  Both of these require an effort to make them work.