For many families the holidays are about the wonder of a child enjoying Christmas. You must experience the wonder and mystery of the holiday season for yourself before you can give that to your children. The problem is that we try to create the perfect experience for our kids. The perfect gifts, tree and holiday cookies. Relax and enjoy the wonder not the gifts. More than anything your families needs time and experiences with you. Don’t live the holidays through your children, let them live the wonder through you instead. This means that you must relax and avoid the trap of becoming a helicopter parent. A helicopter parent is a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children. The goal is for your children to experience the wonder and joy of Christmas, that comes from the overflow of your heart, not gifts. Keep the wonder, beauty and mystery of Christmas alive in your heart.
So are you a helicopter parent? Here are some simple tests from author Lythcott-Haims:
In many relationships, women become surprised when suddenly their partner becomes stone deaf during an argument. When men stop listening, women naturally turn up the volume, hoping to blast the wax from their husbands ears. What’s aggravating is that this makes it worse. Instead of understanding what’s bugging their wives, men dig in their heels and defend their actions. This is when most women get really mad, so they crank their emotional thermostat to the max and blast their husband with more heat. This makes it worse and for most men they become more deaf, more defensive, or they just completely withdraw emotionally for physically for the discussion and sometimes the relationship.
During this season of Hope remember we are celebrating Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’ Christ came so we would not be alone.
The scars that we all experience send the message you are alone. My hope and prayer is that through this season and next year you will know that you are loved, valued and enjoyed.
Identity comes from a source. Identity is something that is given or bestowed while we are in relationship with others. The validation of our identity is understood by how we impact others. We have a longing to know that we matter in the lives of others, that we make a difference and that we can’t be replaced.
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Healthy people have a common character trait. They have a trait we all need, the character traits we all need is resilience – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; a toughness, or bounce back like elasticity. This is the trait that causes you to get back up…to keep going… Not just by the skin of your teeth but to recover back to your strength. It is centering yourself in three truths:
As we age one of the biggest regrets is the risks that we did not take. God wants you to jump and trust that He will catch you.
In our day-to-day lives, the tendency is to notice the negative. We get caught up in the things that go wrong and feel like we’re living under our own private rain cloud. The concern is we don’t notice the positive, we tend to adapt and absorb the good things and people in our lives, taking them for granted. The result is, we often overlook everyday beauty and goodness–a kind gesture from a friend, or the warmth of our partner on a chilly morning. In the process, we miss opportunities for happiness and connection.
Three Good Things
At the end of each day try to recall three positive things that happened in that day. Take the time to notice them and thank God. Don’t just look for the big things, acknowledge the small things, like the giggle of your child, the beauty of a sunrise or sunset. Train yourself to notice beauty and goodness, you will be surprised at what God brings into your life daily, so often we are to worried, stressed and anxious to notice. End your day counting the blessings not dwelling in the anxiety and worry of the negative.
This practice guards against tendency to only notice the negative. By remembering and listing three positive things that have happened in your day–and maybe even considering what caused them–you tune into the sources of goodness in your life. It’s a habit that can change the emotional tone of your life, replacing feelings of disappointment or entitlement with those of gratitude–which may be why this practice is associated with significant increases in happiness.
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